This is not a thoughtless solution, not a whim of. Having lived for many years together, having given each other almost a third of their lives, they decided to part. Why do two diverge after fire, water and copper pipes have passed? And what can be done so that this does not happen to you?
If this happened to one of your friends or with you, know that you are not alone. This is becoming an increasingly popular trend in the world. For example, every fourth divorce in America falls on those who over 50 years old, and the probability that people of this age will explore has doubled by half compared to the 1990s.
For friends and relatives, this often becomes a surprise, but we observe such stains in public people and among those whom we know well for many years. Why is this happening?
1. They gradually moved away from each other. A process that leads to a “silver divorce”, a slow. Everything happens gradually. It is like with an insignificant dishes, which can be dropped and, no matter how much you drop, nothing is done with it. But some microcracks remain, there are more and more of them. And then their number becomes critical, you drop a plate – and it scatters into pieces. And in the relationship.
Many of those who dispersed at the end of their lives say that they simply had been moving away from each other for a long time, went different roads.
Somewhere deep, near the bottom itself there is a constant cold course, discontent. It is not visible to anyone, but those who are constantly located together feel his cold touch. This discontent and slow irritation can blur and destroy what seems to be strong on the surface.
Often women feel that they give too much: they refuse a career, do not take a vacation and save. And it seems to them that in a relationship they have no one to rely on. And they, and not men at all, decide to leave, growing children.
2. The difference in age becomes more noticeable. Sometimes age begins to play a role, although when you only met each other, the difference seemed insignificant. This is a well -known psychological phenomenon – the difference of ten years at different ages seems incredible (first -grader and graduate!), then insignificant (girl 20 years old and a 30-year-old young man).
45 years and 60 were once only 20 and 35. And now these numbers symbolize the middle age crisis and the first signs of old age.
Every time you experience the crisis, you want to go back to the past, where everything was familiar and familiar
Several times in his life, explains Stephen Tatkin, Doctor of Psychological Sciences, people go through the psychological and biological “upgrade” of the brain. This happens both at the age of 15 and at 40.
Every time you experience the crisis, you want to go back to the past, where everything was familiar and familiar. For this reason, people begin relations with partners much younger than themselves – they help them stay on the warm summer sun a little more.
3. They allowed themselves to relax. Being next to the same person 24 hours a day 7 days a week, we get used to and literally grow into each other. But sometimes this leads to the fact that people stop trying.
You work a lot, develop a business and earn money for the family, but stopped working to be an attentive partner and an attractive person. You allowed yourself to blossom.
4. Money acquires a different value. Differences in the style of expenses become more obvious when, perhaps, you will have to be more economical if the possibilities are the red lion casino not as wide as in the middle of life.
5. Sex. Hormonal changes occur with age, and this can affect how attractive a partner looks like for you. Or sex ceases to be the only one that fastened the couple and kept you together.
Sometimes the difference in sexual temperaments becomes less noticeable and the ability to get along with each other comes to the fore, the couple live nearby as good friends. Sometimes, on the contrary, one of them has a need for sex suddenly increases.
What is needed so that this does not happen to you?
1. Make your relationship priority. This means protecting each other – before everyone, and even when you are left alone. Be an expert for each other, cover each other’s back. Children have grown up, work behind, now you are left alone, and you are a single team.
2. Pay attention to yourself. Gain weight, settled at home and dress in the style of “home chic” – inappropriate solution. This is a message to a partner that nothing more worries you anymore. Take care of yourself and about it.
3. Be aware of his role in the occurrence of misunderstanding. But do not rush to give up and humble yourself with the thought of divorce. Look in the mirror. If in the reflection you saw a boring, tired person, perhaps partly the problem in you? And if so, make a decision – to return interest to your life. A new adventure – even if you decide to grow a new variety of watermelon – will create a new story about your family. New and interesting.
4. Talk about sex. Your body is changing, your sexuality acquires other forms. Find her in touch, quiet evenings together, in tenderness and smiles. You cannot repeat past passionate nights, but they are still with you-in memories.
5. And about everything else too. Talk to each other about everything. This is the only way to solve problems.
